I remember a time 20 years ago when I’d buy a thing of Ben & Jerry’s, put it in the microwave for 45 or so seconds, then drink it as if it was a milkshake. It was all about the flavor and the dumb experience of knowing I had an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting. I wouldn’t do this every day, week, or month, but it did happen every few months. I’d get a spoon, have a few spoonfuls, then drink it. I didn’t care that an entire pint could be over 1000 calories, or that a pint is meant to have four servings. This means I could’ve had it in four different occasions. I didn’t care.
Having a pint was not something I had in place of anything, it was not a replacement meal or meals. I didn’t buy it and say “I’m going to sacrifice lunch and dinner and just have ice cream, because I love the flavor and I’m worth it.” Now at that to whatever else I may have been eating that day. That week. That month. When you… when I didn’t think, it was because I did not care. Consequences my ass, I’m just going to eat because “I love the flavor.
I reached a certain age and thought “I’m being a fool, I can’t do this”, and I decided to go on the right… maybe not a “right” path but a better path. This then leads to the things I’ve done wrong over the years and decades, and I wonder if I’m at where I am today because of the wrong decisions. Sadly, it has. I’m taking baby steps to get towards better than where I was, but it seems to take forever. My health is improving, why can’t everything else improve? Maybe three or four things, I’d be happy with that. I know the things that are holding me back in a legitimate matter, and I seem to not be able to get around or through it. A part of me wishes I should fall back into my Ben & Jerry’s diet (metaphorically speaking) and say screw it, if I’m not going to get myself 200 miles west from this place, I’ll live in a way that left me here. I don’t want to be left here. As for ice cream, I’d be happy with a scoop and a zone, and then let me work that off by walking for four miles or so.
Stagnant and dormant life, no more. Get me down the road 200 miles from here.